7 RULES FOR A LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

 Long-Distance relationships are hard, but especially for those that are Dom/sub.  It can be difficult to keep the dynamic going when you’re apart and problems and issues arise. There’s also a lot of bad advice and tips on the internet.  But even if you’re apart for just a day, or if circumstances make it so you’re separated for months, a long-distance D/s relationship can still succeed.  Both the Dominant and submissive have to work at it though. So here are some ideas for rules to keep in mind.

1.  Avoid long-distance relationship problems when using technology

Technology can be a lifesaver in a long-distance relationship.  Texting especially can be easy and convenient, but after a while you may find it gets boring.  Don’t neglect all the other kinky ways you can enjoy technology.  Get creative and think outside the box, and soon you’ll begin to feel much closer.  Here are some ideas:

• Use FaceTime, Video Call - There’s so many possibilities with this one.  You could have a meal together, have phone sex, play games, or even have a virtual play session.  Just prop up your phone or tablet in the room, and have the Dominant give the submissive instructions.
• Watch a BDSM movie together- You can each set it up on your own PC and tablet and press play at the same time.
• Use an online journal- This is a must whether you’re long-distance or not.  A sub should have a journal they can write freely in, and the Dom should have access to it at all times.

2.  Overcome commitment issues as a Dominant or submissive

Some people get stuck in a long-distance relationship because they feel obligated to stay for one reason or another.  Be honest with your partner about what you want out of the relationship, but more importantly, be honest with yourself.

Do you really want to be in a long-distance relationship when you could be meeting other people?  If the answer is ‘yes’, then stop playing games, and work on building trust together.  Here are some other tips to prevent problems and issues from arising:

• Be patient- Even if you were physically together before things became long-distance, the new situation will take time for both of you to become comfortable.
• Have real-life interactions- Show your commitment by making and keeping plans to meet face-to-face.
• Make a contract together- A contract helps both a Dom and a sub to clearly know what their roles are in the relationship, and what’s expected of them.

3.  Create a detailed Dom/sub schedule

Having set tasks to do everyday is the perfect way to make a submissive not feel so lonely.  An assigned list keeps the Dominant in control of their partner, even when issues come up and they can’t be there physically.

A schedule also keeps the sub focused, because they don’t have to get overwhelmed with making choices or dealing with other problems. Here are some ideas for a schedule:

• Set wake up and go to bed times
• Meal times
• Time blocks for journal or kneeling
• “Little Space” activities like coloring or watching cartoons
• A certain BDSM topic to research each day
• A set exercise schedule

It’s also important to schedule in aftercare for the submissive to prevent “sub-drop”. Dom can instruct the sub to perform each task.

4.  Use gifts and games to keep things new and exciting

Everyone loves receiving gifts. When a Dominant gives their submissive a gift it reassures them of their affection and approval.  Little especially need to receive gifts regularly, but Doms like getting presents too. Here are some ideas:

• A collar
• Stuffie or blanket to comfort the sub when the Dom is away
• Matching rings or other jewelry
• Kinky toys to use when you’re together

Games are another fun way to keep a Dom and sub connected.  You can play games over the phone or text, and they are a great way to get to know each other better. Two of my favorite games are “Would You Rather” and “2 Truths and a Lie.”  Keep it kinky and you’re sure to have a lot of fun.

5.  Get creative with rules and punishment ideas

Just because you’re apart doesn’t mean that a disobedient sub can’t be punished or be given rules.  Of course, a traditional spanking by the Dominant may be out of the question, but there are so many different ways to discipline a submissive from a distance.  Here are some ideas for rules and punishments:

Rules:

• Not being able to eat junk food and having to text all their meals.
• Letting the Dom choose the sub’s clothes or undergarments for the day.
• Texting when you go out with friends, and when you come home.

Punishments:

• Taking a cold shower for 1 or 2 minutes and having to videotape themselves.
• Snapping a rubber band on their wrist a certain number of times.
• Wearing nipple clamps and texting a picture as proof.
• Having to write the same sentence 50 times and mailing it to the Dom.

6.  Take an online BDSM course together for step-by-step tips

Online courses are great for long-distance couples because they get you communicating and experimenting together, even while you’re apart. An online training program will help you deal with the issues and problems of a long-distance relationship.

You’ll have a detailed, step-by-step plan to have a better, more satisfying connection, and to take your BDSM relationship to the next level.  An e-Course is a great way for both of you to have an online mentor and coach, giving you reliable advice and tips to help you every step of the way. (They also make a great surprise gift!)

7.  Set an end date for your long-distance D/s relationship

Even if you’re having fun and enjoying your long-distance D/s relationship, it needs to end at some point.  Hopefully this means that whatever situation is keeping you apart will be resolved and you can physically be together permanently. 

Setting a date for this to happen will help both of you to endure the hard times, prevent problems and issues, and give you something to look forward to.  So set an end date together, and work hard to make it happen. The free worksheet below can make this easier.

Remember, a long-distance D/s relationship isn’t easy, but so is anything worth fighting for. Follow the rules and tips here and in the worksheet and you’re sure to have success. If you can trust, respect, and support each other when you’re apart, imagine how powerful your bond will be once you’re together.  ????

 Original article found at: https://domsubliving.com/long-distance-relationship-rules-worksheet/

A Beginner's Introduction to Dominance and Submission

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My Training Rules for Submissives & Babygirls

The purpose of this article is to illustrate how a Dom or Master would translate long-term training goals (mental and sexual conditioning) into daily/weekly activities of a submissive. A submissive follows all these rules to prepare herself for a session and/or to please her Master. I should be clear that this type of psychological training is for long-term committed relationships (i.e. Master/slave) or ongoing long-term Dom/subs rather than casual or occasional BDSM play partners . The nuance of BDSM terminology is important to understand that a “submissive” is a woman of free will who gives over control of her body for a period of time to a Dom and a “slave” is a woman of free will who chooses to give over control over her body, mind and soul for 24/7 to serve her Master.

My forte within Sensual Domination (no or little pain Domination) is contrasting Caressing, Sensual Oil Massage, Sensual Kissing, Orgasm Denial, Forced Multiple Orgasms, Forced Squirting and Impact Play (spanking, flogging, cane). I choose to use both Sensual Domination techniques along with the impact play techniques of Sadism to heighten the sexual response of a sub. I use an Extreme Pleasure technique for Domination by which I overwhelm a woman with sensory stimulation and multi-orgasmic pleasure to overload the nervous system and to triggers mind-blowing sexual release. This article is about how subs prepare themselves during their daily routine at home and at work for Domination sessions with me.

My training objectives for my submissive/babygirl is to make her an extremely sexually responsive woman who is multi-orgasmic and a multi-squirter. My second training objective is to be on her mind throughout her day, wherever she may be so she feels constantly possessed and consumer by me. My ultimate objective is to train a sub to achieve Cum-on-Command via a visual signal, verbal command or via text message to her mobile, to achieve an instant orgasm without any physical sexual contact.

Daily Routine:

- Before leaving her home every day, she must be wearing an item of ownership (necklace, bracelet, anklet, choker, or ring) that reminds her constantly of Master. The item must be worn in plain sight in public for other to see.

- Before leaving for work in the morning, she must text me a photo of her outfit. This is not to control her wardrobe in anyway but to be able to compliment her on how sexy and beautiful she looks at the beginning of her day. Every morning she receives a text at 7AM wishing her good morning and every night at 11PM she receives a text wishing her sweet dreams.

- At lunch, she must perform 100 Kegel exercises at her desk then text me about her day.

- Every day after work, when she changes out of her work clothes, she must insert the Ben Wa balls into her pussy and wear them until bedtime. She must wear the ben wa balls for all social, exercise, yoga or work out activities.

- Every night before bedtime, BabyGirl must masturbate until she cums 3-5 times.

- Whenever BabyGirl masturbates, she must first insert a butt plug in her ass, insert Ben Wa balls into her pussy and wear nipples clamps (with bells) on her breasts. (All sex toys provided by Master)

Weekly Events & Special Occasions:

- Thursdays are “Naked Chef Night”. BabyGirl will prepare dinner wearing only one of Master’s white dress shirt, thigh-high black stockings and 4-5″ high heels or boots. Master will be greeted with a glass of red wine and a 3-minute kiss.

- Fridays are “I’m Master’s Dirty Slut @Work” day which means she must masturbate in the washroom at work after lunch then insert the Ben Wa balls in her pussy for the remainder of the day. She must text a photo of her masturbating at work as proof.

- BabyGirl must always wear a wirelessly controlled We-Vibe vibrator in her pussy to all public social functions (family events, work events, social events with friends, dinners out, orchestra/theater, charity galas, movie theaters, sporting events, etc). Before leaving for an event, - - BabyGirl will kneel in the living room to present the remote controller to Master and then present her naked pussy with the We-Vibe inserted in her pussy for inspection by Master while lying in the dining table.

Preparations for a Domination Session:

- BabyGirl is NOT allowed to touch or pleasure herself in any way for 3 days before we meet in person.

- Within 72 hours before BabyGirl will see Master, she will go to the spa for a facial, mani/pedi, massage and waxing. (All expenses covered by Master)

- On the day that BabyGirl will see Master, she will insert the Ben Wa balls into her pussy at work at noon then wear them until we meet in person after work.

- 1-4 hours prior to meeting, BabyGirl will prepare herself for anal sex (Evacuation, multiple enemas to douche, then insertion of jeweled anal butt plug.).

- BabyGirl will always meet Master in public with a wireless vibe inserted in her pussy and her jeweled butt plug in her ass.

- Before meeting Master, BabyGirl will always insert two fingers deep into her pussy then spread her plentiful juices onto her lips to greet Master with a passionate kiss.

Standards of Behavior:

- BabyGirl will always refer to Master as Sir, or Master in private

- BabyGirl is not allowed to wear bras or panties at in room with Master (without children or family around).

- BabyGirl must always greet Master in public in a short skirt or dress with stockings & sneakers or high heels.

- BabyGirl must always greet Master wearing red lip gloss, french nails, red toes, sparkling jewelry (earrings, bracelet, choker), and a silk ribbon in her hair.

Sensual Rituals as a Kinky Couple ( for every session):

- Before every session, Master and BabyGirl will shower or bathe together to reconnect emotionally as a couple and to symbolically prepare ourselves for each other.

- Before every session, scented candles will be lit to provide soft lighting and music will be selected to set the appropriate ambiance for the session (sensual or pounding or both).

- Before every session, BabyGirl will present herself to Master completely naked, with only her high heels on.

- Master will then slowly apply lotion or massage oils to every inch of BabyGirl’s body so every nerve ending in her body is aroused and her body feels soft and sensual to touch. After each limb is massaged with lotion or oils, Master will attach a restraint to each wrist or ankle. The final step is where BabyGirl stands naked in front of Master then he slowly kisses his way up her neck then whispers in her ear what he has planned for her during the session then places his collar and leash on her neck.

After every session when BabyGirl is completely exhausted and her body is spasming from intense orgasms, Master will hold and caress her trembling body until she recovers. (Refer to Sensual AfterCare)

After BabyGirl recovers from the session, she will clean Master and BabyGirl’s bodies with a warm wet towels then feed Daddy (fruits, cheeses, charcuterie, water or wine).

Rules for Sharing BabyGirl with others:

Unfortunately, I DO NOT SHARE. But for those that share, here are the steps. 

When being shared with others (men, women or couples), BabyGirl with ALWAYS be wearing Master’s collar with bell, leash and his jeweled anal butt plug in her ass. This is to symbolize that BabyGirl is always owned by Master even when she is being fucked by others.

- BabyGirl will not kiss other men on the mouth. That intimate act is exclusively reserved for Master. However, BabyGirl may kiss any woman she desires in public or in private, with or without Master’s presence.

- BabyGirl will not have anal sex with other men or women. That intimate act is exclusively reserved for Master.

When BabyGirl is being shared with other men, Master will always be present to keep her physically safe, to ensure her emotional safety and to encourage her sluttiest behaviour.

When BabyGirl is being shared with women, Master only needs to be informed of BabyGirl’s plans in advance and then all the details of her sexual encounter are to be shared with Daddy upon returning home.

Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

The most important role a Sensual Dominant plays is to ensure the mental and physical safety of a submissive, especially of a novice submissive who has no clue what will happen during her first sessions. The second key role a Sensual Dom plays is to understand the key physical, sexual and psychological triggers that will unleash her sexually. The following 5 questions establishes the boundaries of the safe play and also uncover some key sexual and psychological triggers for helping a submissive reach the next level of sexual response.

1) What are your BDSM hard limits? (Scat, urine, golden showers, needles/knives/fire, medical play, verbal or physical humiliation, caging, severe pain, children/animals, etc.). This establishes the current comfort limits of play for a sub. These limits will soften and change with time, trust/familiarity with a Dom and with BDSM experience for every sub. Crossing these limits without prior discussion with a sub is a serious break from protocol for safe consensual play, a serious betrayal of a submissive’s trust and it may trigger a panic attack within the submissive.

2) What BDSM acts do you deeply want to try and why? (i.e. sensual touching, bondage, blindfold, spanking, hair pulling, paddling/flogging, forced orgasms, forced squirting, orgasm denial, anal, rough sex, fisting, hot wax, etc). The specific acts are not important. What is important to understand the why someone craves these specific experiences and how those experiences make a sub feel.

3) What bondage/submission fantasies/roleplay do you desire? (boss & secretary, naughty schoolgirl & teacher, policeman & hooker, home invasion/rape, multiple men/gangbang, naked and blindfolded in a group of men, etc. ). The specific fantasies a sub desires tells us a great deal about the underlying scenarios and themes that arousal a sub (attraction to authority figures with power, a good girl forced to do bad acts, a loss of control, sensory deprivation, being sexually forced, sex with strangers, sex with many men, sex in foreign environments or public, etc). These themes can be easily integrated into domination scenes a Dom designs for a specific sub.

4) What sexual/foreplay acts arouses you MOST intensely? (Kissing your neck, massages, soft sensual kissing, giving oral sex, forced deepthroat, hair pulling, hand on your throat, etc.). This should uncover specific “Sexual Hot Buttons” for a submissive that highly arouse her. Giving oral sex or being forced to perform deepthroat tend to be very common sexual turn-ons for submissives. These are hot buttons a Dom wants to use to push a submissive to the next level of arousal during a session or to start a session to put her into a slutty submissive mindset.

5) What key words that trigger your arousal or submissive response? Word phrases such as “You are my slut”, “Who’s my whore?”, “Who owns this ass?”, and “Suck my cock whore” all have power sexual messages of ownership and control when said in the proper context and are spoken by the appropriate man to a submissive. These are powerful “Psychological Hot Buttons” and sexual arousal triggers that can place a woman instantly into a slutty submissive mindset. Knowing which phrases specifically arouse a submissive psychologically is key to push a sub to the next level of arousal during a session. 

The Responsibilities and Duties of a Dom

Being Dominant/submissive is a state of mind. It is not a sex act, it is not a game, and it is not a role. It is a state of being and is totally asexual (neither male nor female)

First and foremost, a Dominant is always a Gentleman or Lady. There is no excuse for being impolite or rude to others. Save this for the submissive that needs and requires this of their Dominant.

Second, a Dominant must always be in control. Drugs, even alcohol, are mind and body controlling agents. They affect relationships and most importantly can affect a scene, therefore taking away the control the Dominant MUST have. * Emotions of the Dominant also play a role. If the Dominant is unable to control His/Her Own emotions, He/She is in no condition to be attempting to control another.. *

Third, a Dominant is always honest. To lie is to show you cannot be trusted and a submissive must be able to trust you to respect you. Every submissive knows that not every Dominant is super experienced and will respect you much more if you tell the truth. Be honest with a submissive about your level of experience with others and the submissive. The submissive can even help you to gain experience and is really an enjoyable learning process. Tell the submissive up-front if You do not wish a monogamous relationship. Most submissives understand and even expect this in a Dominant. You may not get "that" submissive but you will not loose her/his respect.

Fourth, a Dominant accepts responsibility for all his/her actions. Everyone makes mistakes. Do what is needed to make amends, and correct it. Accept and admit the fact that you messed up. To seek an excuse for something going wrong or hurting someone will cause you to lose respect.

Fifth, a Dominant expects but does not demand respect. No Dominant demands strangers to call him/her Master/Mistress. Respect is earned over time. Demanding Master/Mistress on your name means nothing and is a word that when not earned is meaningless and makes you to others appear to be a petty childish fool. Those that know you and respect you will call you Master or Mistress when you earn it, not before. Remember, to other Dominants you are not Their Master/Mistress you are their equal do not DEMAND them to ever call You that.

Sixth, a Dominant knows and understands the differences between needs, desires and wants. The submissive may want a 24/7 relationship with an understanding Dominant. The submissive may desire a short relationship with a crude rude person. 

Duties of a DOM

It is the duty of a Dominant to control his/her emotions. To punish a submissive in anger or to lash out to anyone is abusive.

It is the duty of a Dominant to remember that submission is a gift. To misuse this gift is abusive. When the submissive is not free to take back the gift it is no longer a gift.

It is the duty of a Dominant to watch over and protect all submissives. This does not mean to protect them from finding some other Dominant and to keep them for oneself. * This also does not mean the Dominant is free to forcibly intrude on a submissive's relationship with his/her Dominant. One can ask if the one needs aid. One cannot force the one to accept that aid. *

It is the duty of a Dominant to take only a submissive that will match him/her. A submissive that is not into whips should not belong to a Dominant that loves to whip submissives.

It is the Duty of a Dominant to take only the amount of submissives the DOM can properly handle, control, love, comfort and care for. Do not keep a submissive hanging, giving false hopes. Free and release the submissive so the submissive can get along with finding the right Dominant.

It is the duty of a Dominant to watch and monitor the scene carefully and to ensure the submissive is not being harmed either physically or emotionally. At any time the slightest thing can go wrong and the scene is ruined for the submissive and pleasure becomes actual pain.

It is the duty of a Dominant after a scene to ensure the submissive is emotionally stable. During a scene the submissive is filled with hormones. Afterwards the body reduces them and may cause severe depression to the extent of being suicidal. The submissive must be made to understand the depression and or emotional release is normal and expected. Normal emotions will return in hours to a day. Anything longer is a sign of emotional instability in the submissive and must be corrected before doing another scene. (A Dominant can also experience this depression after a high from the scene.) Each reacts differently some stay high for weeks and when they come down seek the scene again to regain the high. This also can lead to problems such as longer, more intense and dangerous scenes, with unknown Dominants.

It is the duty of a Dominant to know and understand what the needs, desires and wants of a submissive are. Failure to do so may harm the submissive emotionally and mentally.

Responsibilities of a DOM

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure an unowned submissive is guided to a Dominant that is suited to the submissive's wants, needs and desires. *Again, the One can offer advice and counsel. He/She cannot unilaterally impose it on the submissive. *

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive knows what being abusive is. To insure this is to insure the submissive knows when to call it quits.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to ensure the submissive knows what the submissive's rights are.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to teach the submissive information about the Lifestyle. The best method is to teach the submissive how to acquire this information and where he/she can get it. An ignorant submissive can be an embarrassment to a Dominant.

It is the responsibility of a Dominant to insure the submissive grows and develops under the Dominant's ownership, in both the lifestyle and the public life (i.e., job and family). Being submissive only means being a "doormat" when the submissive has made it clear that is what the submissive is looking for.

Dishonorable Acts

For a Dominant to allow a submissive under His/Her Control to be actually harmed in ANY way is dishonorable.

For a Dominant to allow a submissive's rights to be violated is dishonorable.

For a Dominant to play with and discard a submissive just for amusement is dishonorable (exception if a submissive that has declared this is the treatment they need).

Unless the submissive has declared themselves to be unowned, another Dominant's interference in a relationship is dishonorable.

To chase after or scene with Another's submissive without the other Dominant's permission and full knowledge is dishonorable.

*To knowingly violate the general guidelines on duties and responsibilities of a Dominant is dishonourable, unless the Dominant has clearly stated His/Her disagreement with the duties and responsibilities He/She chooses not to follow. W/we have free choice but W/we also need to ensure those choices are both known and understood by the O/other so that B/both are aware of what the O/other's expectations are. *

No Dominant can be expected to live up to the above 100% of the time, others will respect him/her for trying and the harder she/he tries the more respect all will have for the Dominant and his/hers.

(Source: http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/community/index.php/library/dominant-submissive-d-s-lifestyle-topics/442-the-responsibilities-and-duties-of-a-dom)