A Beginner's Introduction to Dominance and Submission

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Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

Five Questions Every Dom Should Ask A Submissive

The most important role a Sensual Dominant plays is to ensure the mental and physical safety of a submissive, especially of a novice submissive who has no clue what will happen during her first sessions. The second key role a Sensual Dom plays is to understand the key physical, sexual and psychological triggers that will unleash her sexually. The following 5 questions establishes the boundaries of the safe play and also uncover some key sexual and psychological triggers for helping a submissive reach the next level of sexual response.

1) What are your BDSM hard limits? (Scat, urine, golden showers, needles/knives/fire, medical play, verbal or physical humiliation, caging, severe pain, children/animals, etc.). This establishes the current comfort limits of play for a sub. These limits will soften and change with time, trust/familiarity with a Dom and with BDSM experience for every sub. Crossing these limits without prior discussion with a sub is a serious break from protocol for safe consensual play, a serious betrayal of a submissive’s trust and it may trigger a panic attack within the submissive.

2) What BDSM acts do you deeply want to try and why? (i.e. sensual touching, bondage, blindfold, spanking, hair pulling, paddling/flogging, forced orgasms, forced squirting, orgasm denial, anal, rough sex, fisting, hot wax, etc). The specific acts are not important. What is important to understand the why someone craves these specific experiences and how those experiences make a sub feel.

3) What bondage/submission fantasies/roleplay do you desire? (boss & secretary, naughty schoolgirl & teacher, policeman & hooker, home invasion/rape, multiple men/gangbang, naked and blindfolded in a group of men, etc. ). The specific fantasies a sub desires tells us a great deal about the underlying scenarios and themes that arousal a sub (attraction to authority figures with power, a good girl forced to do bad acts, a loss of control, sensory deprivation, being sexually forced, sex with strangers, sex with many men, sex in foreign environments or public, etc). These themes can be easily integrated into domination scenes a Dom designs for a specific sub.

4) What sexual/foreplay acts arouses you MOST intensely? (Kissing your neck, massages, soft sensual kissing, giving oral sex, forced deepthroat, hair pulling, hand on your throat, etc.). This should uncover specific “Sexual Hot Buttons” for a submissive that highly arouse her. Giving oral sex or being forced to perform deepthroat tend to be very common sexual turn-ons for submissives. These are hot buttons a Dom wants to use to push a submissive to the next level of arousal during a session or to start a session to put her into a slutty submissive mindset.

5) What key words that trigger your arousal or submissive response? Word phrases such as “You are my slut”, “Who’s my whore?”, “Who owns this ass?”, and “Suck my cock whore” all have power sexual messages of ownership and control when said in the proper context and are spoken by the appropriate man to a submissive. These are powerful “Psychological Hot Buttons” and sexual arousal triggers that can place a woman instantly into a slutty submissive mindset. Knowing which phrases specifically arouse a submissive psychologically is key to push a sub to the next level of arousal during a session. 

Choosing the Right Dominant for Yourself

Homework for Subs

Homework for the Novice Submissive: Choosing the Right Dominant for Yourself

By definition, a submissive is a person of free will who, of their own volition, chooses to give over control of their body, mind and soul to a Dominant to be trained.

You need to understand that you are putting your entire physical and emotional safety into the hands of a Dom so this decision requires much more trust than ANY vanilla sex partner you have ever had! The key point being a submissive chooses their own Dom… so choose wisely.

Here are a few things you need to think about in developing a selection criterion BEFORE approaching any Dom:

- How to you feel about receiving pain? Do you like the idea? Why do you think you would enjoy it?

- Do you want to be with someone who would take pleasure in hurting you either mentally or physically or both?

- What is your pain tolerance? Where do you fit on the pain tolerance scale (masochist to wimpy)?

- What types of emotional experiences do you want from BDSM? Sensual/Erotic or Emotionally Sadistic or a mix of both

- Do you have specific scenarios/fantasies you crave to live out? (Role-play – Naughty Schoolgirl/Sexy Secretary, threesomes (MMF/FFM), Gangbangs, Abduction/Rape, Home Invader/Rape, etc.)

What are the fetishes you are interested in exploring now? (Make an online list that can be easily updated over time that links to your sub profile using Fetlife “Fetishes” tab – under the “more” banner at the top)

What are the fetishes you may be interested in exploring in the future? (make a list using Fetlife “Fetishes” tab)

What are your hard limits (anal, Gangbangs, humiliation, sensory deprivation, blood/needles, choking, severe pain, pee, scat, animals, knife play, medical play etc.) – make a list or post it as part of your profile

- What personality and physical traits are you looking for in a Dom? (Self-confident, Domineering/Controlling, Inspires trust and confidence, Integrity/Truthfulness, Mentoring/Educating, Intelligence, Muscular, Tattoos, Piercings, etc.)

- How important is his prior experience in your fetishes of interest?

- How much experience do you want a Dom to have? Novice, two, five, ten, twenty years?

- How was he trained as a Dom? (Online, Under a Master, Experience)

- Is Aftercare important to you and do you need a Dom who offers aftercare? What kind of Aftercare do you want/need and don’t want? )

- Do you want to be his only sub (exclusive) or are you open to be trained with other subs (polyamory)?

- Would you consider a Married Dom if you are single and unattached?

- Do you want to check his references (i.e. past subs)?

- Do you want to try a few trial play sessions before making a decision about committing to become his sub?

- Would you be willing to relocate or have a long-distance relationship for the right Dom ?

This is by no means an exhaustive list of things to consider when selecting an appropriate Dom but it should be a decent start.

I hope this helps give you a few ideas and this helps you find a Dom who is a good fit for you

~DominantSoul